Animal I Have Become
by Gabi16love
Summary: Minerva McGonagall is a great and powerful witch, but little does anyone know she has a bit of a nasty secret.. Along the way she finds love within someone she least exspected. Can this new found love with stand the truth or will her world crumble from the rejection? The story is rated M just for safe messures to be honest i'm unsure whats to come for the future for them.. Enjoy!
1. Prolog

**A/N Whelp here it is my first Fanfic.. This is my first stroy posted please do be kind as it is going with no beta.**

** In the beginning it's going slightly based on the Song Animal I have become by Three Days Grace, but towards the end it strays away from the song...**

***Disclaimer* I do not own Harry Potter sadly, but i do wish to borrow the characters from JK Rowling for fanfiction purposes ^^ I'll quit yammering Please Enjoy!**

*Prolog*

Animal I Have Become

MM/HG Fanfiction

I'm becoming a monster. This much I am sure is true. This is really getting out of control. Why can't someone save me? Release me from this terrible nightmare. I can't escape this hell. Believe me I have tried many times. I fear the power this animal possesses in order to take over. It not only takes over my mind, but my body and appearance as well. Somebody get me through this nightmare. I try to fight it, push it away even. But it always ends the same. I lose hold of that one thin string of control that keeps the beast at bay. It is then that I'm thrown into a cage within my own mind. I am locked away to witness the beast's destruction. I'm unable to help, defend against, or even break free of the grasp the animal has on me.

My mind is completely full with this animal's thoughts on a day to day basis. But when it's time to feed I am casted aside and the beast steps forward. Why does this always have to happen to me? Me… Minerva McGonagall. One of the strongest witches in the wizarding world by far. But surely there must be a way. Am I not strong enough? Why can't I control it then? It is my mind, my body is it not? Someone please just save me. On these days my fellow professors ask me what is wrong. Even a few of my more caring students have asked as well. So many times I have lied to them. I fear that this maybe my deepest and most dark fantasies coming to life in a form I can't deny. I can't tell if it is my own wishes or a unknown beast's that lays inside my very being. I am undecided of this whole thing. The one thing I am sure of is I am not in control of myself anymore. All the horror I have witnessed. I can't get the images out of my head. All the pain caused that I have seen. All the pain I couldn't defend against. All of the terrible screams that still bombard my ears. All of the victims last tears and pleas. All the lives lost… All lost at my own hands. I'm sitting here in my own mind. I am literally a prisoner to my own thoughts, while the beast is in control. I'm stuck just sitting here in this blasted cage for hours until it finishes. I sit here with my arms wrapped around my legs transfixed to the sight before my eyes. I hold my legs tightly to my chest. My body goes numb after the first hour, but it's the only thing that is keeping me from falling apart. After a while the numbness becomes nothing more than emptiness. It's the only thing that's keeping me from a breakdown. This is the only thing I can do while the beast is in control. I stand aside well in this case sit and watch it's every move.

I watch in horror the scene that plays out before me. The horrific acts being performed in the world, the world outside of my own mind, that is. I'm confined until this savage animal finishes its torture games. I watch as it slaughters those helpless gnomes. It's slowly ripping off their small arms and legs. Enjoying the very few brave enough to try to run or even the daring ones that struggle. It's like a drug for the beast. It feeds off of their pain and suffering. All their terror filled shrieks and frantic movements. All for nothing it seems. Because soon even these gnomes grow tired and give in to their end. It is then their little screams ring out through the silent air piercing my mental trap. The small screams torture me bouncing around my small confinement. They are trapped between the walls within my mind. They play over and over again causing me even more pain. I sit there horrified in my cage staring at the gruesome scene. The images go through my mind like a movie on repeat. I am forced to listen to their tiny screams as they continue to ring in my ears. Till eventually the air grows silent yet again. All this blood, their blood, there is just so much red. The blood covers the floor and all the walls. It drips slowly from my hands, down my front, and pool at my feet. I never knew so much blood could come from such small creatures.

Tears weld up in my eyes from what I have just witnessed and threaten to fall. My vision begins to blur slightly, but I'm not that lucky. Oh no not I. I can still see the horror before me. The horror I have caused. The horror I have failed to put a stop to yet again. All that blood. All of those tiny scattered limbs, thrown carelessly all over the floor. Their little haunting screams that still echo throughout my mental jail. It's my fault entirely my fault. Why am I not in control of my own body? No one can help me now…

**A/N I know it's taken me forever to post this, and the reason is well because I am truly lazy... I just recently decided it was time to get off my butt and post my stories. Now i can't promise i will update every week, but you can harass my inbox if you feel i'm taking to long to update i dont mind.  
p.s my spelling is pretty bad so if i make any mistakes just let me know okie? Anyways yammering again, i should be able to update the first chapter sometime this week.. Hoped you like the story ^^ **

**~Angel**


	2. The Day After 5th year Transfiguration

***A/N I have decided that each chapter will have a different song theme as I used all my ideas for this song in the first chapter. The story will continue with the animalistic beast theme just won't stay with just one song… The songs will stray because they are loosely based on the actual song. As I wanted to have this story updated earlier in the week I found I had a bit of writers block and it didn't help that my life has been quite stressful lately :/ but enough of my excuses enjoy this chapter..***

***2 A/N whenever you see something in italics it's either a flashback/ memory and or someone's thoughts… okie enough chit chat.. Enjoy the update* ^w^)/**

*Sort of based on Song Theme: Breaking the Habit*

***Chapter 1: The Day After... 5****th**** year transfiguration***

Since last night's events had happened I find that I don't feel very much like myself today. My hands have begun to shake slightly, my visions blurred a bit, my head is pounding, and I have a fever of 100.3. If anyone knew any better they'd probably say I had a very bad case of a hangover. Oh, but no I know better. It's the after effects of my current uncontrollable state. But I must teach my students, put them before myself as I pledged to do all those years ago. Today is no different. I just have to tread carefully and be cautious of everyone and everything. Well at least it is quiet right now it really helps lessen some of the pounding. And even better the students are currently too busy to notice anything off about me. So I avoid pesky questions about my well-being as well. It seems I suppose, that I spoke too soon, it seems that almost everyone is working…

The professor had just begun to glance around the room to check on her hardworking pupil's progress when she had an odd feeling that someone was watching her, staring at her even. It didn't take long to find the only student who wasn't currently looking down upon their work. And to her surprise it was her star student Hermione Granger. She was blatantly staring at her. Her expression was glazed over, and far away. But it didn't completely hide the concerned look on the girls face. The professor knew that the young witch had noticed something wasn't right with her. She looked down and sighed to herself. Looking back up both the professor and the girl made eye contact. They stared at one another for a minute or two before the girl blinked rapidly beginning to realize she just had been caught staring. It was then she started to blush and quickly looked back down at her work. Minerva continued to look at the girl for a few more minutes before she continued her gaze around the room again. Her eyes traveling back to the young witch every now and again curiously. It didn't go unnoticed though that the girl was refusing to look up at her throughout the rest of the lesson. This confused her a bit. The young girl didn't even look up when the bell had rung. This confused the professor even further normally she would have glanced up at her as she stuffed her quill and books back into her bag and would smile, then would continue on her way. Not this time though the girl seemed to be still embarrassed about being caught that she hurriedly jammed her belonging into her bag and ran out the classroom without glancing back. If only the girl knew that as soon as she left the room she took with her Minerva's happiness.

As any teacher I am pleased with Hermione's success in my class, but my feeling seem to go deeper that one of just a teacher and a student it seems. Of course I will never tell her of such things because those kinds of relationships are forbidden. I will bury my feeling for her as I always do. She is my student and I her teacher. But still I secretly treasure her infectious smile, the way her eyes sparkled when she got a question right, the girls thirst for knowledge, and not to mention the pure happiness that radiated off the girl it could spread through a whole room and seep into even the most depressed person. It made it near impossible not to smile back at her. And even more impossible not to enjoy the girls company.

As I watched her run from my class and with her absence she takes with her my happiness. My world quickly goes back to the horrid gray that it was before and it is then I go back to that place. The place within myself, where the beast takes it's inhabitance of. I begin to feel the familiar emptiness. I know from past experience that within a few moments I will begin to break down. I hurry back to my private chambers and tightly lock the door. My mind fills with all the memories of the night before. I fall to my knees directly in front of the door not bothering to make it to the bed. I bring my knees to my chest to try to ease the pain inside. It's no surprise that everyone assumes that I am safe here just sitting in my room. In truth it's where it all begins again. It is where I am the most dangerous. It is where I am a danger to not only just myself, but as well to anyone who would be as unfortunate if they were to come in search for me. I begin to sob silently. Tearlessly I cry at the thought of the danger I am putting everyone else in. My heart pumps faster in my chest begging for an escape, a release from its confinement in my chest. I try to catch my breath again. I try to breathe in, but find it's like a rock is lying heavily on my chest. I sit there as my body rocks with silent sobs. I clutch my chest to the point where I can feel my nails dig into my skin. It won't be long now till I break the skin. I sink lower to the ground as the random scenes flash in and an out of my mind from the night before.

_Frantic movements_

_Harsh laughs _

_Blood curdling screams sound off, breaking the silence_

_Bounce off all the walls_

_Believe me they will all fall_

_I flinch at the sounds I hear_

_A crunch, a crack, a snap I fear_

_Blood drips down its hands and mouth_

_They are my own there is no doubt_

_Silence_

I can't breathe now. But believe me I am trying. I want to yell, to scream even, but my mouth seems to be unable to function properly. The tears begin to slide down my cheeks and drip into my now messy hair. I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright, but what else is there for me to do? I've tried it all honestly I have. How do I make it stop? How does one break this never ending cycle? I've try to make it all stop, I've tried to make it see reason. But it just laughs at me and continues on spreading its misery. I lock myself in my room. Often thinking it'd do some good. That it will help in some way. But unfortunately it is wishful thinking on my part for it doesn't nothing but make it worse I fear. I have no options left to use. I went to Albus, but he doesn't seem worried. How could he not be worried? What about the safety of the children. They can't simply have an animal like me running on the loose. It just isn't safe. It's apparent now that I hurt much more than any time before. The pain is worse than it's ever been and I just don't know what to do anymore. My world is falling apart right there on my chambers floor right before my very eyes.

I hear the sound of footsteps sound through the other side of the door. They walk through my office, and quickly toward my private chamber's door. I sharply in take a breath only to feel the burning of the lack of air trying to get into my lungs._ NO! This can't be happening… who can this be? Albus knows not to disturb me during these changes, so it can't be him. Oh, but it could be Poppy coming to badger me about my lack of eating recently. Hm… or unfortunately it could be... could be… a student. Oh Merlin, I hope it isn't a student. That would be quite bad. _A knock echoes off the stone walls. Then another, and then another. _Knock, Knock, Knock. _I struggle to get to my knees. I hold onto the dresser tightly with one hand to help myself get to my feet. I wobble just a little but eventually start walking slowly towards the door. I reach for the door knob and turn it. I hesitantly step aside and open the door. And who would it be that I should I see, but…

***A/N okie so please don't hate me too much I know… Believe me I understand if you do hate me, after that ending I left you with right there. I absolutely despise cliffhangers myself, but I really am having some writing troubles right now I hope to change that over spring break this week. Thank you to the people who have read the story. :) And a even bigger THANK YOU to those of you who have Favorite, Followed and Reviewed my story. Glad you liked it. As I said in my earlier author note I'm making it a different song for each chapter so I'm going to have to do a lot of song screening for the story, so sometimes I may not update every week as I originally planned, but if there's any songs you think would work for this story or would like to see in the story please inbox me and tell me it'd be much appreciated. I will listen to it and try to incorporate it in wherever I can in a future chapter it'd be a big help and make updating easier :3 Thanks for reading! Please Review! LOVE YOU ALL *hearts* ^^ *  
~Angel **


	3. Losing Control

***Okie all I know it's been quite a long wait sorta for this update and I apologize for that… see recently I've been going through some things and I had thought that writing would help me through it only to realize that I just couldn't find the motivation to do write at all. It just felt like a chore, but I must confess I felt bad because I wanted to at least have an update every week. I'm not really happy with this chapter as I know I could have done much better and trust me when I my life gets back to normal I will re write it but for now here it is… Hope you enjoy!* ^w^)/**

*Song used: Get down With The Sickness*

***Chapter 2: Losing Control***

*last chapter ending*

"_I reached for the door knob and turn it. I hesitantly step aside and open the door. And who would it be that I should see, but…"_

Who should it be standing right in front of me? It would be none other than Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley of course. They back up away from the door and allow me to pass. I slowly walk past my desk to stand by my fire place. I stare into the mirror above the mantle. I can see them taking in my disheveled appearance. And from what I can see they are quite startled by what they see. I can see the look on Mr. Potters face. It is one of concern and a tad bit of fear. And I can see… Mr. Weasley's face as well. His just looks a bit stunned actually. From deep within myself I can feel the hatred bubble. I'm drowning deep in my sea of loathing. I can't help it, but I hate him. I can see his love for what should be mine… '_Not mine… No not mine. What I meant was _they are polar opposites. They just aren't right for each other… Yeah that's it. Just not right for one another is all.' I can see his blossoming love for Hermione even if he cannot. I assume my face must have given away my thoughts because Mr. Weasley was the first one to break the silence. " Pro… Professor?" Harry took a step back pulling his friend along with him. "Ron maybe we should go. Now doesn't seem like a good time for her." Harry continued to tug at his friends arm. 'Good at least he senses the danger.'

"Mr. Weasley… Mr. Potter… You need to leave. Go Now!" Mr. Weasley took a step forward. "What's wrong professor? Has something happened?" A low growl rumbles in my chest. "Ron, let's just go. Well come back later. Come on." Harry pulled on his friend's arm again trying to pull him back. "Come on Ron. Let's go" Ron pulled his arm away. "Harry no, look something's not right with McGonagall. Maybe we should take her to Madam Pomfrey or go get Dumbledore."

I stand there stiff looking off into space. I clench my teeth and take several deep breaths. Harry look at her "Ron I really think we should really go. Whatever is wrong with her I'm sure Dumbledore will help her with it. "Ron turned around to face him. "Harry, do you see Dumbledore around? No. Can't you see something ain't right?" I hear footsteps behind me. Tears start to brim in my eyes. "Professor? Can you hear? Professor are you alright?" I breathe in slowly. "Please, you have no idea what you've done. Please just go. Please." I'm losing control I can feel it. I can feel the beast's power taking over. It's power creeping through my body, ever so slowly. I am becoming its servant… again. It forces me to kneel. My knees buckle and crash hard to the floor. Tears escape now and slide down my cheeks. 'My students. How can I let this happen? I pledged to keep them safe and yet here I am the one who could be possibly endangering their lives. They need to leave. Now.' I struggle to get back up again. Reaching up I grab hold of the fireplace and pull myself up slowly. "Potter get out of here quickly and take him with you. Just get out. Go now quickly." I look at my reflection in the mirror. It would seem that whatever is left of my human side is slowly changing. It's suddenly changing. Violently changing. All I see now is a stranger. Seen there is partly the beast and some slivers of me. Oh my reflection. Now what I see doesn't show any real resemblance of me. I stare absent mindedly at my reflection "The worlds a scary place now that you've woken up the demon in me." The boys are frozen. As they watch their professor change. Transfixed to the spot by what they are seeing. They watch horrified as her eyes flash from bright emerald green to golden yellow then back again. As if a raging war was going on inside of her. Ron reached out and grasped his professors. He turned her away from the mirror. Her eyes are bright yellow now. Ron lets go of her arm and jumps back surprised. "Bloody hell." "RON WE NEED TO GO NOW!" Harry grabbed Ron's arm and they ran to the door. But it locked itself. They turned around to see their professor with her wand in her hand. And the now the beast began to speak in her head…

"_**Get up, get down with the sickness" **__"But I don't want to. They are just children. Leave them alone. Please." _

"_**Open up your hate and let it flow into me." **__"I can't. I may not like Mr. Weasley, but he still is my student. I do not wish ill of him."__** "Come on, get down with the sickness."  
**_

I whisper out loud "Madness is the gift that has been given to me."

"_**I can see inside you, the sickness is rising. I'm almost out now. And you can't stop me."  
**__"I won't let you out. Not around them ever. Just leave me. Let them go." _

"_**Don't try to deny what you feel Minerva. There is no point. I will escape and then I will go after them. Maybe then you will stop trying to fight me and just give in. You'll break when your own body hurts your precious cubs."  
**__"I feel nothing. I will do what I must to protect my students. You shall not harm them." _

"_**Make it easier on yourself. Will you give in to me? Save yourself all the pain that is to come if you just give in."  
**__"NO! Not this time… I can't" _

"_**It seems that all that was good has died now."  
**__"And is now decaying in me." _

"_**Hope you can live with the choice you have made. I'm now in control."  
**__"Please… Don't." _

The boys watch their professor terrified. Unsure what she will do because clearly this is not the woman who has taught them all these years. If only they knew the internal battle she was fighting to keep them safe. If only they knew what they got themselves into. Just looking at them you can see they are very scared. Horrified even. If only they knew the literal war going on inside their professor and head of house.

"_**It seems you're having some trouble in dealing with these changes."  
**__"More like living with these changes." _

"_**Oh no. Look at your young cubs. They are so scared... Of you. They know not of me. They only see you. Now look what they've done Minerva**__. __**They have awakened a "demon" in you as you called it. It truly is a shame the last thing they'll ever see is the one person they trusted the most to keep them safe end their lives." **_

The last thing that I had control of was the stream of tears that ran down my face. Then I was cast aside and the beast took over.

***A/N ok there it is. I know another cliff hanger I ish sorry. My writing is quite crappy right now because of everything going on. Now I'm not really too sure when the next update is but I promise it will be sooner than this update was. Thank you for reading. Favorite, follow and review. Love you all *hearts* ^^ * **


	4. Lost Thy Self

**_*A/N Whelp here you go guys. I realized I haven't posted anything for this story in quite a while and I apologize for that. As all I can say I was just truly lazy. But seeing as I have a boat load of free time now that it's the summer no school, no big distractions. I was able to crank this out. Now I would like to thank all the new followers and favorites that have recently joined this story. And I can't forget to thank the ones who have stuck with me from the beginning. Thank you all. I hope you enjoy this update. Talk to you at the end of this chapter :3 * _**

**_*Disclaimer* I don't own Harry Potter sadly, but I am using the characters for this lovely story I am writing. _**

***Chapter 3: Lost Thy Self~*******

*last chapter ending*

"The last thing I had control of was the stream of tears that streamed down my face. Then I was casted aside and the beast took over."****

***Minerva's POV***

I watched from the depths of my own mind. I watched as two of my students cower in fear. Cower from who they thought was me. I could literally smell their fright. With my heightened senses I could smell the perspiration in the air. My cubs looked so terrified. It pains me greatly that I am the cause. I can hear all of the animal's thoughts. It sickens me that it views my students, my cubs as prey. Voices broke me and the beast out of our separate thoughts. But the reaction to the pure fear in both their voices had different effects on both of us. The terror that laced my student's voices just killed me inside. For the beast though, it just excited it more.

_"Pro...Professor is...are... you...? Okay?  
"Professor? Please professor... Please, tell us what's wrong with you... Maybe we can help?"_

The beast took full advantage of their pleas. It answered with what was similar to my voice. Only its voice was rougher than mine. Completely dripping with desire and deepened with excitement.

_"Nothing is wrong with me, I can I assure you I'll be just fine soon."  
_  
Their eyes widened more than I thought were even possible. I honestly can't take much more of this. It's one thing to attack gnomes, but a completely different story to want to viciously maim and most likely try to kill my students. And what was it all for exactly? It wants to break me… It is trying to make me give into its awful demands. I can't… I won't… I just can't sit here and watch this. I refuse to just stand by and watch my student die, at my own hands.

The beast decides it time to play. It takes a step forward. It continuously stared, never breaking eye contact with the two boys. My students let out small gasps and take two steps back. The cycle goes again. One predator steps forward and two prey step back. This continues till the boys are backed against the wall.

Then it starts. I can only watch in horror as the beast chased the two around my office. Wood and papers went flying through the air as the struggle went on. The mahogany desk is shredded with marks and the walls flaked with wood chips. Piles of books, knocked from their shelves, fell to the ground. Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley ran towards the door, but the beast was faster. The door slam shut with a spell before the two can even reach it. They both turned and suddenly the beast was right behind them. More calm and collected than Ron, Harry manage to regain his wits and dove to the right. Mr. Weasley, however, was not as fortunate. I watched in horror as the beast in me pinned the boy roughly against the door. Harry desperately looked for a way to get his "professor" off his best friend. Yet it was too late as the beast rose its claws in a bloody, skin crawling laugh.

The beast has taken its nails and slashes Mr. Weasley's robes in the front. Blood seeps out and soaks the now torn robes. It ran down in a steady flow, causing a small puddle to form at his feet. He stares down at it completely white faced. Seeing the blood of my student was last straw. I had enough. This is going to stop now. You don't ever mess with a mother and her cubs.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Minerva was gaining more power by the second. Fury swept through her causing her magic to crackle and pop. Her eyes glowed bright emerald green. She was angry and was ready fight. The power that was rushing through her was massive. From where it was coming from was truly a mystery. It was certainly more than anyone's ever seen before, including the beast. It was more power than anyone for a witch of her age has mustered. And this scared the beast at first. Minerva had gained not only enough magical power to fuel Hogwarts by herself, but a serious amount of will power to overcome the beast. With that power Minerva took control again and backed up away from her bleeding cub.

She looked down at her hands and what she saw disgusted her. Her hands were covered in Mr. Wesley's blood. Blood shed by her bod, by her own hands. Mr. Weasley was completely dumbstruck. He was pressed to the wall, frozen with fear. Staring wide eyed and mouth open at his professor. But Mr. Potter on the other hand saw that there was difference in his professor now.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***Minerva's POV* **

_"Professor… Hello are you there professor?" _

I slowly turn around to face him.

_"I knew that couldn't have been you professor. What happened? Is Ron okay?" _

I was vaguely aware that I was being talked to. Gone was the professional side of me. Gone for the moment was my sanity. I needed to get out of here. I felt suffocated by the walls. By the mess that was left behind. I needed some fresh air. I need to keep in control so I can hold back the beast.

_"Out Mr. Potter!" _

_"But professor..."_

_"Out!"_ I practically growled at him,_" Take Mr. Weasley and go find Dumbledore. Now!"_

Mr. Potter grabbed Mr. Weasley by the arm and ran from the room. I waited till I heard the footsteps fade before I hunched over putting my hands on my knees. My breathing was becoming more labored. It felt like a bunch of rocks were on my chest. It was feels like the air is being crushed out of my lungs ever so slowly. I could feel the darkness of unconsciousness coming on quickly. I breathed in more slowly trying to steady my breath. Trying my very hardest to stay awake. But soon my anger depletes and I'm growing weaker. Till eventually I passed out.

Harry ran as fast as he could away from Professor McGonagall's office, pulling Ron along with him. He had to get to Dumbledore. He had to tell him what had happened. Harry was so caught up in his own thoughts he didn't see a bushy haired mass in front of him.

_"Ouch. What? I'm sorry I didn't see you there Hermione."_

"No, I should be the one apologizing Harry. I should pay more attention to where I'm walking."

Harry took a quick glance at Ron because he was beginning to breath rather heavy. Hermione notices he's looking off and follows his gaze and lightly gasps at what she sees. Ron.

_"Harry?"_

_"Yes Hermione?"_

_"What's wrong with Ron? He's just far too quiet, he's growing fairly pale, he's breathing rather heavily and he's clutching his front. What happened?"_

_"Uhhh...um… nothing..." Harry thought quickly. "Uh…he just had a run in with Malfoy and his goons. We were just off to go tell Dumbledore. So we'll be going. See you in the common room later."_

Harry begins to walk away quickly taking Ron with him. He walked all the way down the corridor and out of sight. As soon as he was out of his friends view he broke out into a dead run again. Harry ran as fast as he could, until he made it to the stone gargoyles. He stumbled out the password. "Co…Cockroach Clusters." He raced up the spiral stair case and finally he had made it to Dumbledore's doors. Out of breath, panting hard, Harry frantically raised his hand to knock on the door. Yet he paused, would he get professor in trouble? His lips are dry, what happened has terrified him. What if they had to cart the professor away or do something terrible?

But Dumbledore won't let that happen, would he? Resigned, Harry raised his hand again and knocked on the door…

**_*A/N_** **_Okie I know you guys are wondering where the song is. And I must say I had a song, but I couldn't make it work into this chapter as for I already had an idea for it and it just didn't work for out. I was more stuck trying to incorporate the song into the chapter than I was trying to just write it. Believe me I did try though. This story will eventually pick up its songs again but for now for me to keep a somewhat steady pace on the updates for the summer I will need to not use songs. I will use them again I promise. But only when I know the songs will work. Thank for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. See you soon. Love you all *hearts* ^^ *_**


	5. Punishing Thyself Internally

***A/N Alright ladies and gents I am gonna update two chapters this week…I wanted to have this chapter up like last week, but sadly that didn't work as planned. I was on vacation in Florida. I must truly apologize for the delay and lack of updates. I know I promised and I feel pretty disappointed in myself for breaking that promise :( So because of it, I will give you guys a gift. I will be uploading the things I already have written. Which means random stories will be uploaded at random times and I will be adding a new chapter to So Close for you guys as well. Get ready you MM/HG fans ;3 I have a little surprise for you :D also I wanted to tell you guys I didn't forget about A Mother's Day Surprise, it will be updated rather soon as well. Down time is always the best thing to have and even better when you can get the inspiration to write. ^^**

***A/N2 I also would like to tell you there is AU characters in this. I know Dumbles is really level headed in the books and movies (except for that random outburst in goblet of fire o.0), but for this purpose he loses his temper when someone bashes and or says anything bad about Minerva. Also Ron is very…um… well very douchie in this story. I started it off rather small for now depending on how you guys respond to him, but later on it will be a bit of a surprise on how far I will actually take it. Whelp anyways on to the updates, enjoy dears.* **

***Disclaimer* I don't own the Harry Potter sadly, but I am using the characters for a little fun.**

***Chapter 4: Punish Thy Self Internally***

_*last chapter ending*_

"_But Dumbledore won't let that happen, would he? Resigned, Harry raised his hand again and knocked on the door."_

**** Harry stood there for no more than a few seconds after knocking when he instantly heard from the other side of the door a fairly faint 'Come in.' He quickly turned the knob and pushed forward forcefully against the door. Leaving it wide open Harry ran full speed into the room, dragging Ron along behind him. Skidding to a complete stop right in front of Dumbledore's desk, Harry bent over clutching his chest and gasping rather loudly. He was trying his hardest to regain his breath. It took a few minutes of just trying to regain control again of his breathing. All he needed was just enough to be able to try to talk.

'_**Professor… Professor Dumbledore… We went to… And she told me… I ran as fast…' **_

'_**Harry… Harry calm down please I don't understand what you are trying to say… Please just take a deep breath and then try again.' **_

Harry stopped. He took a slow deep breath. Finally able to properly breathe again, without the burn/stinging sensation he had felt in his lungs. He tried again to explain, this time slower. About the events that had just happened in his head of houses office.

'_**Professor McGonagall lost her mind Sir. We were in her rooms to talk to her about Hermione and well she abruptly told us to get out rather harshly, but I could tell something wasn't right with her so I asked her what was wrong…'**___

'_**Naturally… Go on.' **_

Dumbledore's voice was calm and even as if this news either didn't bother him one tiny bit or that he had been through at some point before this.

'_**And well she began to change Professor. Her demeanor changed too. It wasn't her Professor, even her voice was different. It was rougher and deeper than normal. She stalked us as if we were prey. It was so strange. It was as if she was a giant cat. Even her eyes had changed. But something was different after she...'**_

Ron snapped out of his stupor. He looked around and realized where he was currently. At this he quickly blurted out.

'_**She attacked me Professor. SHE ATTACKED ME. Look at my robes Professor, they're bloody ruined.' **_

'_**Mr. Weasley, would you be ever so kind to refrain from shouting at me please. I am still your headmaster. As it so happens I am already aware of Professor McGonagall's current situation and I…'**_

' _**Wait you mean to tell me you already knew this and you still let… still let that woman… no that "thing" work around kids.'**_

Dumbledore's calmness dissipated instantly and he was suddenly filled with such rage, that he jumped from his chair sending it hurdling toward the ground. He slammed his fist hard on the desk and glared with blazing fires in his eyes.

'_**MR. WEASLEY CALM YOUR TONGUE THIS INSTANT… THAT HAPPENS TO STILL BE YOUR PROFESSOR THAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT… IT'S STILL THE SAME PERSON WHO TAUGHT YOU FOR FIVE YEARS. IT'S STILL WHO HAS BEEN TAKEN CARE OF YOU SINCE YOU WERE ELEVEN.'**_

The room filled with complete and udder silence giving Dumbledore time to take a deep calming breath and re-masked his anger once again. His voice came out calm, but there was no mistaking or arguing the seriousness in the tone he was currently using.

'_**Mr. Weasley, in this castle while I am still Headmaster we will not talk ill of our Professors. Is that understood? Professor McGonagall is still the person you have known since your first year. She is still the same person who has cared for you while at school. She still the person who had taught you for five years now. I know what you probably went through today was rather traumatizing, maybe even life changing, but she is still you professor so show her the same respect as you have all this time. I would have expected this from a Slytherin, but certainly not a Gryffindor. I believe to keep this lesson fresh, you'll be having detention with me tonight, tomorrow night, and the night after that. Now off you go Mr. Weasley. I will be expecting you later on at 8 o'clock on the dot. As for you Harry would you be so kind to please follow me. I need to speak to you privately. '**_

Ron stared pointedly at Dumbledore for a few minutes, before storming out of the room. The door slammed shut. Causing a few grunts from the sleeping Headmaster's portraits on the walls. Other than that it was the slam was the only thing that could be heard throughout the entire room, even its echo reverberated off the walls and bounced back as if the whole room was empty. The silence carried on till Harry decided he should break it first.__

'_**Well that wasn't how I planned that to go…. I'm not really sure why Ron acted that way; he hasn't ever acted like that before Sir I swear of it.' **_

'_**It's quite alright my dear boy, he just went through what could possibly be the most frightening and traumatic thing he's ever gone through, though it saddens me to witness such a young person go through such raw anger at such a young age. Well anyways we should be off Harry I'm sure Minerva is fairing much better now, maybe she can explain to you what had happened.' **_

With that the two of them set off in the direction of Minerva's Office.

***Minerva's POV*** _*A/N I suggest listening to the song River Flows In You by Yiruma as it is the song I listened to while writing this part, but you don't have to. Just a little warning it is a bit sad* _

My body violently shakes as I sob silently. Tears stain my cheeks as they slowly roll down and drip off my chin. Each one falling gracefully down onto my hands, that currently lay beneath me. I'm hunched over with my head down, and my palms flat on the ground. My vision is blurry and my breathing is becoming extremely labored and heavy. All I could even do now was replay everything that had happened over and over again in my head. The smell of blood drifts up to me as it still clings to my hands. I watch as it's slowly being washed away by my falling tears. There was nothing else I could do. All that was left was to think of what I've done as I couldn't move in fear I would become sick.

I've failed my students. I've failed my house, I've failed my Gryffindors. I've failed Dumbledore. And I've failed Hogwarts itself. I'm just not fit to be a teacher anymore. Now that I really think of it, was I really truly ever fit to be a teacher, to these students? Was I ever able to really ever protect them with everything that I am, from anything that could possibly bring harm to them? How could I ever have protected them, when I can't even protect them from myself? I just cannot believe this is happening… How could I have let it get this far? How could I have been so stupid, just so foolish? Especially with children involved, I just couldn't afford for one of them to see something they shouldn't, possibly getting hurt or even worse my state be the cause of one of their deaths. That would absolutely just kill me.

There's a deep aching pain that begins to creep into my chest. I feel nothing. Only this pain inside of me is all that I can feel now. Everything I ever stood for was gone in a spilt second. All my morals wiped away in a flash. I was left with nothing, not even a clue as to who I was anymore. I can feel absolutely nothing now, not even the pain anymore is there to me. Numbness is what is left it's what has washed over me. I gasp for a breath, even if it's just one. It's all I would need, just something that I could hold onto consciousness with. I just can't breathe at all anymore. My lungs are quickly beginning to burn with the lack of oxygen. I struggle for a single breath, or even a quick gasp of air. Anything would be good right about now. It all seems for not, like I'm grasping for straws. The tears begin to form. They fill up in my eyes once again until I can barely see. My mind won't let me be, it just keeps replaying it all again as if it was a movie. Now what is it I do? My life is ruined. This castle is all I've ever known for most of my life. Even as a child, I grew up here. And to be honest I would really like not leave it. I'm not as young as I use to be anymore, I just can't go and make a new life for myself. I just can't start all over again.

It's burning, it's all burning all over. Everything is burning now. As if someone had just lit a match within me. It was not just my lungs anymore, but also my insides too. My eyes, my senses, and my entire body all feel as if aflame. I collapse on to the floor with a loud thud. My tears spill over and the tears drip down into my loose messy hair. The smell of iron and rust still dances around in my nose. It's all becoming way too much for me to handle. I push up quickly and throw up all over the floor. I push the loose strands of hair from out of my face and weakly wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I feel really weak. I collapse in a heap on my side and try ever so carefully to roll over as to not get my hair into the vomit. I lay there staring off at the opposite wall. I'm there, but miles away lost within my mind. I distantly hear the sound of footsteps growing nearer and nearer. A hushed whisper sounds just outside my doors. I can hear the door to my office creak open, but I'm too weak to turn my head to see who it was that walked in. There was a small amount of light that made its way into the room. A soft voice calls out for me. _'Professor McGonagall?'_ I'd know that voice anywhere... There was a light gasp and quick pitter patter on wood as footsteps rush towards me. I could just make out a mass of what looked like soft brown curly hair next to me. It could only be one person coming to me at this hour… _Hermione… _

I couldn't speak. My throat was so dry, so sore I didn't dare to speak. I wanted to, oh how I really did. I wanted reassure her that I was okay. To let her know it would all be alright, but I just couldn't. I couldn't do it right now and most definitely not in my current state. _Oh god where is Albus? I really hope Harry didn't forget what I had told him. Or that I haven't scared him too bad.  
_  
And as if it was magic. The sound of two sets of footsteps could be heard walking up to my door sent a great wave of relief through my body. I could just barely make out this time the soft light shimmering through the open door. The wood floor creaked from somewhere behind me and stopped just right next to me. I was gently rolled over onto my back. I looked up at something that was silvery gray. I tried to blink away the blurriness from my eyes to get a better look at what it was. I was only able to see that the silvery gray thing was really just a long beard. And for just a split second in my haze I thought it may have been merlin himself. Come to greet me. That was until I heard him call my name.

'_Minerva?'_ _Please help me Albus. Please just make it all stop…_The dark quickly rolled in and dragged me down with it. Everything was fading into the black as my vision clouded over. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and disappeared into the blissfulness of a restless sleep.

***A/N Soooooooooo guys tell me… What'd cha think? :D I tried to set everything up for the future chapters in this one chapter and it's actually one of the longer ones that I've written for this story so far. I hope to change that since this will be quite a long story. I really put a lot into this one, I even stayed up for most of the night into the next morning to write it all in all I think it came out pretty, but it's your guys opinions that matter the most to me so as always review and tell me what you think. Follow and Favorite too please it would be most appreciated.***


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